""SHOULD I TELL MY NEW LOVER THAT I HAVE HERPES?""
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Probably you should
have plucked up courage and talked to your new partner
before you had sex with him but it is difficult to
discuss genital herpes whilst wishing to be attractive
and romantic. However the conversation has to take place
because, as you know, there is a risk that you could
pass the virus on even though you haven’t had the
symptoms or sores for some time.
With herpes, a person can "shed" the virus in their
secretions and spread it to another person even when
there is no sign of an active herpes outbreak. This
"asymptomatic shedding" does occur, explaining how
herpes is transmitted to so many unsuspecting people.
People can carry the virus even without knowing they
have it. There is plenty of information on line about
genital herpes and you will find useful links at the end
of this answer.
The difficulty for you now is how to be up front about
your STD. You do need to do this so that he has a choice
about whether he wishes to take the risk, but it will
take some courage. I don’t think that there is a
cultural problem around being honest about this kind of
thing. If you are not sure of all the facts about
genital herpes, check them out on the Internet. Then
pick your moment. If you need to tell him in French,
then make sure you know the language you need. Be
positive about your relationship and its potential but
tell him there is something he needs to know. Try to put
it in a straight forward honest way without trying to
justify yourself or somehow blame him. Then let him have
his say and listen to what he feels about it. If he
feels that your relationship is more than a casual one
and he wants it to continue, be willing to go with him
to get medical advice.
I understand that you fear rejection but trying to avoid
it by not being quite honest can ultimately lead to a
greater rejection.
Here are two helpful Internet links:
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I'm sorry that you
are so anxious about telling your new partner, but can
quite understand why you are worried as this sexual
relationship is new to you.I guess it is only fair to
tell him asap but there are a couple of very useful
sites on www.google.co.uk which give you guidance on how
to broach it as carefully & honestly as possible:
www.webmd.com/genital-herpes
and
www.std.about.com/od/herpes
There is also a reference to it in the French Wikipedia
which seems a practical approach, so hopefully your
friend will take it as calmly & practically as possible.
"L'herpès génital en France est très répandu et bien
soigné. Beaucoup de personnes vivent avec sans
altération de leur qualité de vie."
Obviously everyone's individual reaction is different
but I hope that the guidelines on the following sites
will help you to plan your next conversation, & that he
responds sympathetically & positively.Good luck & bon
courage. |
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I find it puzzling
that you seem to partially attribute responsibility for
what happened to the man with whom you are having a
relationship. I wonder what makes you think that he
should have asked you about sexually transmitted
diseases. From what you write it sounds like you have a
conflict between telling the man the truth and being
afraid to tell him in case you lose him. Ultimately it
is your decision as to what you do but I get the
impression that your preference would be to tell him the
truth.
As you rightly
wrote, the stories about the French that you have heard
in the US are largely myths which have most likely been
fabricated by fear of the other so it is good to
question them. Ultimately, you will need to listen to
your own heart and do what feels right for you. I think
from what you write that it would be difficult for you
to be in a relationship based on deceit. |
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